july 28 chaotic thoughts.

Rach’s up to her ramblin’ again, decided to start using this blog of mine again, An old friends personal blog inspired me, instead of putting it all on facebook or something. Now this might be dangerous, I ain’t gonna stop once I start! I don’t know How I feel exactly. Tired but not tired, been up for something like 24 hours now, but since I’ve been sitting here except for walking pretty slowly to the supermarket maybe six or seven blocks away I don’t feel tired or bothered to go to bed, and, yet, I am tired, but I don’t feel it anymore. I know, it isn’t healthy and it’s kind of really sad, right now, I really truly can say I don’t have a life for three more quarters of a month. Well maybe half of a month, I just sit here. Bed will come soon, maybe, I can probably close my eyes and sleep for hours, but I can just stay up like this too. I can close my eyes probably on my soft comfy bed and drift off to the world of the imagination, but I really need to try to fix my schedule which will probably not work because of the lack of an activity it will be continued to be messed up whatever I do. So, I don’t know. I am finished for now at least fooling around on twitter like an idiot, retweeting stuff, pretending that I have stuff to say, and coming up with interesting enough commentary. I’ve been at it for hours, since like 10 or eleven last night so about 14 hours. Don’t ask. I don’t know why I was on it for that long, somehow it amused me. Right now everything does amuse me, somehow. Guess, I have nothing better to do. I finally got tired of it, and decided to say, you know what, never mind it. I am getting off. there’s not much to do on facebook, and while I can type and type and type, and express my emotions, you can probably tell it’s not all that cohesive. So, I was gonna let that wait til after I sleep. So, I don’t quite want to work on my story write now, I am considering bed, after what I wrote here. My fingers drum away on my keyboard rapidly if they were on electricity and it can go at a very fast paste and type random strings of words called ssentences that all makes sense together. But as long as my fingers drum on the keys thundering away, out on this keyboard to some sort of disjointed rhythm, I feel that I am busy. Yeah, that’s me right now. So see ya lot later?

hi again.

so, I forgot all about this blog. I didn't think I had one. and, now I found it! anyway, hi! been a long time since I was on here, lots of things went on, would be nice to vent, but, eh I forgot about here, nothing to vent about at the moment except how undisciplined and how badly messed up my sleeping schedule is. It's gonna be my second semester here at usf now, and I am taking psych stats, mmusic in social protest and english 120.

wow okay....,

Today, I missed class, and it's not going to happen again. It's going to be my first and my last class I will miss unless, I am feeling quite ill. We were suppose to give speeches too, which I missed and now feel crummy for. I swear I wasn't going to fall asleep, that I was going to stay awake, but I didn't. I still remember how much I talked about and hated my old partners who weren't ready, and after this, I am not so sure about my previous feelings. I have no shame however in saying, that this was a bad mistake and I should have been smarter not to make it. It was a terrible thing to do to a partner and it ruins both our grades. It is my fault and my fault alone. I have more self respect than to be a truant and just ditch class. so, I've set alarms for myself.

Besides that, things are  going alright, adjusting slowly but surely. I took the bus all the way to a shop the other day, and found a few more along the way. I also figured out the bus systems and how the stops works.

Understanding?

I had nothing but a difficult week, here at the university I am attending. You would think that it being a private university that people might be willing to cooperate and see reason and work smoothly and collabratively together, but it hasn't been going this way. The first week here was excellent and then it started to sour. I am now to them "needy" and "might be in danger." You know, it's quite insulting that they don't think I can work and live on my own. Apparently, all the offerings of help has been false, and what they offered isn't really available. So, I asked for help and apparently it's too much to ask for when they had told me to ask and use them as a resource. So, I am doing what I am told and being told that I ask too much. And, I am only asking the basics such as 30 minutes or maybe even less in the cafeteria each day for meals and before I was trained how to get around this campus assistant to classes and places. but it was the first weekend, yes, only the first one, and I asked people to take me around because I didn't know the campus yet and now that apparently is asking too much. and these events were according to them mandatory. so, I had to go and I wanted to because they gave out crucial information. I didn't know how to get around so I asked. and, now it's too much? doesn't make sense to me. and, now I need a personal assistant because of that one weekend? And, because I take time just like most people to get around the place I am not safe. How is that right and how is that not suppose to be insulting? you show me the route once or twice at most three times and I have it down, I don't work magic and like everyone else figuring out how to get places takes time. No one can learn this campus in a few days? so, they expect me to or else I am a safety issue? Is that even fair to you? and they asked my mobility instructor when she came to check things out if I would learn it in three days. how is that even logical? can a sighted person learn any campus in three days? I bet you anything, that the ansewr is no. Then, why should I, and, if I can't, why should I have a personal attendant? Do normal sighted people who are struggling to get around need one? besides I was told by the public safety and other staff that I could call people to help me for things and I limited going places to essential places such as the cafeteria and back or the orientation workshops that  were mandatory. So, because I did open my mouth to ask as they said I could, now I am needy and people can't spend that much time helping me out. And, how about the cafeteria. I swear, that a manager had asked me to ask for help anytime, and she would be glad to help me. How about that. She said I could ask anytime too, just come in and ask for her. So, what do I do? go in and ask for her. and now I am told, helll I can't help you I am too busy and so someone else the school has to help you out. and again because I ask I am needy. So, where did the ask anytime just come in and find someone to get me, I will assist you go? and, you know, I am paying you lots of money for my food, shouldn't I be able to obtain help of some sort, especially, if the cafeteria here  is inaccessible to blind people? besides, everyone else  can get food, why not me, what if  I am really hungry and need  food? are you just going to deny that right to buy food from you?

I am paying a fortune to attend this school as most staff here note, as a incentive to do well. so, if you know that, why can't I have the best  service you can provide since I am paying you so much?